Biddy is the name
Of my black dog
I got her from the RSPCA
She’s very sweet and loving
So it must be my fault
That trouble came home with her that day.

When I got her she had stitches
From that little female op
You must keep her very quiet so they said
So I did my best to calm her
With treats and gentle pats
But she jumped about until those stitches bled.

I took her back for bandaging
And asked for some advice
Just confine her in the bathroom I was told
With her bedding and some water
And some toys and treats to eat
You can leave her and she’ll be as good as gold.

So I went out to the theatre
Feeling happy she was safe
And I came back to a really awful mess
With paint scratched off the door
And pooh upon the floor
Me and Biddy both were in distress

In the end the stitches healed
And she could go out to play
Though I didn’t want her playing with my shoe
Or chewing at the cushions
Or biting on the sheets
All of which I then had to renew.

Now the backyard’s full of holes
She’s dug to England
And there’s several pairs of slippers in the bin
And she threw up on the carpet
And jumped mud onto the couch
And she barks and barks at people coming in.

But if I can remember
To shut the bedroom door
There’s not so very much that can go wrong.
And she tells me that she loves me
And greets life with such delight
That I really can’t be cross with her for long.

Biddy is the name
Of my black dog
I got her from the RSPCA
She’s very sweet and loving
So it must be my fault
That trouble came home with her that day.