The Wet Suit

For holidays I had to buy
A wet suit made of neoprene
The salesman took one look at I
And said, “The size, ladies sixteen.”

I held it up and goggled
It looked so tall and thin
I couldn’t help but wonder
How on earth I’d fit me in.

But he said “No need to worry,
Of course you’ll fit inside
You’ll stretch it when you put it on
And make it short and wide.”

So I took it home to try it
Tho I couldn’t help but doubt
When I took it from its plastic bag
And once more held it out.

I climbed into my swim suit
And began the awkward task
Of putting on the wet suit
“Why so foolish?” do you ask.

First I tried to stuff my feet
And legs into the place
Where feet and legs were meant to go,
But there wasn’t enough space.

However will I manage
Standing on the river bank
When I cannot do it here at  home
However hard I yank?

Get both feet it, roll it upwards
From the ankle to the knee
From knee to thigh to hip to waist,
Oh dear, just look at me!

Lift it up and shove both arms in
Oh woe, alas alack
Now I’m really stymied ‘cause
It does up at the back.

I wriggled and I struggled
Lay face down upon the floor
In a vain attempt to zip it up
I confess I nearly swore.

In the end I had to give up
And feeling sad and fat
I struggled out of it again
Oh well, I thought, that’s that.

But I packed it up with faith and hope
That someone on the trip
Would have the kindness and the strength
To help me with the zip.

[And they did!]


One thought on “The Wet Suit”

  1. Hi , we really appreciated your poem Barbel and I think you have nailed the wet suit experience .Pleasure to meet you on our trip to get close and personel with sea grass . Hope our paths cross again Warm Regards Chris and Barbel


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