And then I thought…

I behaved so badly, like a child. Bixa was so patient and sensible but it isn’t good enough for me to get over it and apologise, I shouldn’t have behaved that way.

There are times when I don’t think I’ll ever be a proper grown up person and I’ll be fifty-two next month. I hate this job. I’m afraid of that cult and what they might stir up and I’m afraid of what the rest of the Silberay will think about what I’ve put in motion. That’s honest at any rate. I’m trained to act against the Yareblis, but there isn’t a Yareblis in sight here, nor likely to be. They’ve not been known to come to the Harbour. So what am I doing upsetting things?

It’s just as well it was only Bixa who witness my outburst. Whin would have felt totally justified in his criticism. Why couldn’t I have just sat at my desk and gone through the motions?

I couldn’t of course. That would have let Nemle down as well as myself.


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