In the pub & after

Bixa is so forgiving, and kind and sensible. We went to the pub together on Saturday afternoon and met a couple of the neighbours. We mentioned the open day and told them we are Silberay. I’m sure they thought we were crazy, but they were quite nice about it and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will come and visit. Bixa says curiousity will bring them. She has also offered to pay for copies of Hafa’s Short History of the Silberay to be printed and offered for visitors.

Then, on Sunday, Beuda arrived, quite early.

She is to be Bixa’s apprentice. She’s a bit older than the usual apprentices and seems very self-confident. I couldn’t really warm to her and it makes me concerned for Bixa who deserves the best. She (Beuda) seems very taken with Myl, Yog’s apprentice, who she met in Highington. It seems he was the one who persuaded her to approach us. She left again at lunchtime on Monday.

Bixa looked very tired afterwards, but determined to do her best for her. I really feel for her though. Imagine sharing your boat and your life with someone you couldn’t warm to.

Thank goodness Jik arrived in the afternoon, which cheered us both up.

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And then I thought…

I behaved so badly, like a child. Bixa was so patient and sensible but it isn’t good enough for me to get over it and apologise, I shouldn’t have behaved that way.

There are times when I don’t think I’ll ever be a proper grown up person and I’ll be fifty-two next month. I hate this job. I’m afraid of that cult and what they might stir up and I’m afraid of what the rest of the Silberay will think about what I’ve put in motion. That’s honest at any rate. I’m trained to act against the Yareblis, but there isn’t a Yareblis in sight here, nor likely to be. They’ve not been known to come to the Harbour. So what am I doing upsetting things?

It’s just as well it was only Bixa who witness my outburst. Whin would have felt totally justified in his criticism. Why couldn’t I have just sat at my desk and gone through the motions?

I couldn’t of course. That would have let Nemle down as well as myself.