The visit of the cult has really made me question the wisdom of planning an open day. A couple of things have helped me to at least think sensibly about it though.

The most important was a phone call from Kel. Just hearing his voice warmed me and steadied me. I always tell him he is my anchor. I wish he was closer, but his route at the moment is quite far from the Harbour and I don’t want him to skimp his work there just to come back for me.

Oddly enough, the other thing that helped was actually meant to unsettle me. Along with the post on Monday morning was a bunch of St John’s Wort. As well as being very useful medicinally, this also offers protection against witches (at least so Nemle taught me). I put it in water on my desk to show anyone interested that I am not the slightest bit disturbed by it.

I’m trying to think clearly and sensibly about the open day.

The main argument for holding it is that our neighbours might have a chance to get to know us, and of course we might get to know them too.

Another possibility is that it might lead to additional income if people become aware of the opportunity to rent a room or use the front lawn for playing games.

On the other hand it may also open us to the kind of abuse the cult used to frighten me. Susan came during the week and told me of rumblings she had heard about the witch at the Harbour.

What I need to remember is that there is always a cost. The important thing is to recognise the price and decide whether the gain is worth it.

In this case I have to think it is.

I was hoping for a couple of quiet weeks, just dealing with the post, answering letters, paying bills, filing receipts. Next month it will be much busier because the boats will start coming in for refits before the Gathering.

Susan came to visit, mostly to talk with the old ones and with me about what it means to be able to see the water, but she did tell me that our afternoon on the boat has led to problems for the boys, Jack especially, because he has been accused of lying about his experience. That hurts, I know. I remember how it felt when I was accused of lying about using the discipline of the mind all those years ago.

Anyway, it seemed the least I could do, to offer another afternoon and the opportunity for the children each to bring one friend.

I thought the afternoon had gone well. The children seemed to enjoy themselves, but I was conscious that three more families would be brought into contact with the water dimension. I didn’t expect quite the extent of the trouble it brought however.

One of the children came from a family that belongs to some kind of strict religious cult. Susan rang to warn me that the father was particularly angry that his son had been exposed to evil magic.

This afternoon I had visitors, the child and his parents and the cult leader.

It was horrible. He told me I was evil, shouted it at me, not just evil but a witch, a magician and even the devil. Then he started to curse me. I shut the door on him, shut and bolted it, but I could still hear his words, so filled with hatred.

I went out the back way and home to Day Bringer. At least I managed to get there before I started shaking.

I didn’t mean to call him, but suddenly, as I was fighting for control, Kel was there in my mind. He held me and we sang.

Mother and Father went home on Saturday last and Jik and Dom set out again too. Tippa’s blacking was finished so Jik thought he should go back to his assigned route. He has promised to come in early though, before the Gathering, so he can advise me.

Tippa is very happy with the blacking and pleased because Toby has done a great job of the welding on the counter. I know she cannot afford to pay for that as well as the new propeller, so I told her the Silberay would pay, despite our fairly desperate financial state. She has offered to spring clean the annex, ready for the Gathering instead. I wouldn’t have thought of it, but Mother did say the whole place looked rather uncared for, so Tippa’s offer is a real help.

I’d always thought she disapproved of me and although we were apprenticed at the same time we’ve never really been friends. Actually that is probably why. I was rather a show-off back then and I’m afraid Marheh the Great was often in evidence despite Nemle’s efforts to restrain me.

Anyway, we have actually been talking and getting on quite well. She did an amazing job cleaning the kitchen and invited me to eat there with her. She headed out this morning, Sunrise all fixed.

Tomorrow Toby is bringing his family for the promised boat ride. I’m quite looking forward to taking Day Bringer out for a couple of hours, though a bit apprehensive about my guests.

Quite a full day yesterday. Father and I took the bus into Sefton Middle to met the welder. At first he and Father seemed to be getting on well together, but then Father said something about me being Silberay. It was horrible. The welder, Toby, went pale and stepped back from me shouting to Father to get me away, as if I was poisonous. It really hurt, but I knew I had to leave for Father to have any chance of changing his mind.

I wandered into the centre of town trying to listen with my heart. Then I found a little corner out of the way where I could sing. It was hard to enter, I felt a bit vulnerable in the street and, if I’m honest with myself, I think Toby’s fear of me still hurt and that got in the way.

Lifting the song was hard too. There was no joy in the music that I joined and it was almost more than I could manage to modulate the drab tones.

Maybe I managed to offer a little light in the end, but I did not stay very long before heading back towards Toby’s workshop. I had not reached the lane where I needed to turn when I met Father and Toby coming towards me. Father must have done a lot of very persuasive talking. Although Toby still seemed to be afraid of me he had agreed to come back with us to the Harbour so that I could take him around and explain things.

In the end I think it was meeting Mother that really persuaded him to trust me enough to allow me to guide him onto Day Bringer with Mother and Father and take him for a little jaunt around the Harbour. It was so good to be at the tiller again even for such a short time.

After that it was obvious that Toby felt a lot more comfortable. He went along to the dry dock to look at Sunrise quite confidently and promised to come back on Monday with his tools and the plate that is needed for her hull.

I offered to make a time to take him and his family out onto the water road and he said he would like that. I wonder if his wife will agree.

A busy day yesterday. Father and Jik went over the accounts with me and confirmed what I knew. Disaster really! Dwindling capital, not much income and more expenses. I dread having to tell the Silberay.

Mother took herself for a wander and visited the old ones. I think she enjoyed meeting Fylan, but Blin’s comments about me made her uneasy. She says the buildings, especially the kitchen, are in need of attention before anyone would want to pay to use them.

Dom offered to cook for us all for the evening meal. I had to ask Tippa too, we couldn’t leave her to eat on her own. It would have been unkind. We dined in the flat since that offered the most room. As things turned out it was quite useful that Tippa was there. She was rather rude and disbelieving at first when I said we would be bankrupt in ten years if we didn’t change our ways, but when Father and Jik confirmed what I said she became quite supportive.

Jik has been really helpful to her, spending ages with her in the dry dock scraping down Sunrise‘s hull and I think she is disposed to be an admirer.

This morning I made an appointment to visit the welder today, after lunch. Father will come with me since he is not Silberay and so, hopefully, can understand and explain better than I can, why the boats disappear and who we are.

Mother and Father arrived yesterday and Jik brought in Sunrise with Tippa. It was lovely to see Autumn Wind come through the entrance. Jik was very formal and kept calling me Harbour Master while Tippa was present but I had a nice hug when I joined him and Dom on Autumn Wind for lunch.

In the afternoon we all worked to get Sunrise into the dry dock. They wouldn’t let me help very much but at least it got me out of the office for a bit. I felt for Tippa when we saw the state of the hull. I know it is her own fault, she has really neglected proper maintenance, but she was almost in tears which is very unlike her.

Jik and Dom have offered to stay and help her with scraping down the hull and doing the blacking, but I’ll need to find a welder urgently now because there are a couple of places around the edges of the counter that are going to need new plate welded on. The man who came last Gathering doesn’t want to deal with “disappearing boats and other weird stuff” again.

I was just going back to the office when Mother and Father arrived. Mek was snappy with me because I was not on the spot to greet them but he did take my work back for firing and agreed to bring me more clay when he comes back – not that I have much time to use it at the moment.

I took Mother and Father up to the flat and left them to settle in. I think they will be comfortable enough there. They came for supper on Day Bringer. They are quite used to being guided into the water dimension and enjoyed being able to see the harbour. I’ve promised to bring them again in daylight so they can see it properly.

Jik and Dom came for sperit after supper and listened politely while I whinged about my problems. Father and Jik have promised to look over the accounts this morning and check my figures and Mother says she will go for a wander and try to put herself in the place of the neighbours since she sees what they see.

It is nice to feel so supported.

I’m a bit worried about the accounts. The bank statement came yesterday and there doesn’t seem to be very much left, especially since I’ve sent off cheques for about another £100. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for all the things that the Silberay expect at the Gathering.

Then, in the mail this morning, there was a bill for the town rates. They are more than twice what they were last year and I don’t know why, or how we are going to pay them. I decided to go into town since I need supplies and I called in to the town hall to inquire. They called me Mrs Silberay and said I was lucky because the value of my property had increased because of re-zoning. Apparently now it is classed as residential rather than agricultural land.

On the way back I met a couple of the neighbours. They asked me if the patients were dangerous. Imagine Teg and Sula and poor, gentle Mieka being thought of as dangerous!

Mother rang yesterday. She and father want to come for a visit. I think they are checking up on me even though I’ve told them I’m alright. I’ve said they could stay in the Harbour Master’s flat since I’m not using it, but part of me wishes they wouldn’t. I’m still finding my feet in the job and I’ll need to cook for them and I’m feeling a bit pressured really.

At least one thing went right. I’ve been in touch with the carpenter who does the refits and he is ready to come when we need him. No word from the welder as yet though.

I was really feeling the need to walk on Saturday. I’ve been so hemmed in since the attack and I’ve lots to think about too. Walking helps me think usually. I set out after lunch, well, quite late in the afternoon really, which was stupid as it was very cold and the dark comes early this time of the year.

I couldn’t help thinking about all the walking I did when Nemle died, but this was so different. Back then farms and fields surrounded the Harbour and I could walk in the landscape, now the Harbour is surrounded by houses, our back gate is locked, and no one knows who we are.

I overdid the walking and arrived back aching all over. Then I was silly enough to fall asleep in my armchair, then stagger off to bed without making up the fire. It was bitterly cold when the time came to get up, which served me right really. Thank goodness Day Bringer‘s plumbing was alright though. If that had frozen I could have had a real problem.

I spent Sunday snug on Day Bringer after I had been across to the library to choose a couple of books. Reading all day is a rare indulgence and I felt a bit glutted when I finished the book. It started snowing mid-afternoon and by half past three it was nearly dark. I did make time to sing, which made me feel a bit better about things.

Today, Monday, I woke up to a world of white so I think it must have snowed all night. I’ll need to be careful on the gantries. A fall could set me back considerably given that my ribs and collar bone are still not properly healed.

Such a silly thing happened this morning. I went out to meet the coal man who was bring coal for the house. I wanted to order bags rather than loose coal for the Silberay to buy at the Gathering. Without thinking I said something about the boats coming back. He looked at me strangely then started to humour me. Obviously he thought I was some kind of lunatic. He insisted on shepherding me into the house to Fylan, who told him I was harmless, just deluded. We had a laugh when he left, but it made me realise how little we are known now.

I tried to do what Teg suggested and in a way it helped, but in another way it just scared me, since to be a GOOD Harbour Master demands the kind of commitment I’m not sure I’m ready to give.

I had a bit to do with Bixa a few years ago when she was Harbour Master and I remember how impressed I was with how well she knew me. When I really thought about it I felt a bit ashamed at how few of the Silberay I know anything of – their names of course, but not much else – so that has to be a priority.

I remember how angry I have been when decisions that affected me were made without consultation, but I know that I’m not very good at that, consultation and collaboration often seem to get in the way of action.

Tippa rang on Monday when I was studying the rolls. She wants a tow back to the Harbour because she has lost her propeller. I’ve promised to send the next Silberay who rings from her direction. I didn’t say anything to her, but a lost prop suggest poor ongoing maintenance and when I looked up the records I couldn’t see any evidence of a dry dock booking for five years or more. I know she doesn’t earn a great deal but neglecting maintenance can be costly.

Her call reminded me though that I will need to organise the regular tradesmen to be here and ready to work on the boats that need refitting for one reason or another. I would not be popular if the boats were not ready for the Consigning Ceremony.

The really good thing that happened was that Bixa rang. She is to have an apprentice and wanted to book Spring Song into the dry dock for blacking and then into the wet dock where the carpenter can work on the refit. She sounded amused at the idea of me being Harbour Master, but she was happy to answer my questions and promised to come in a month before the Gathering to give me a hand.

It isn’t quite a month since the attack and I’m still a bit tired and achy at the end of a day. I haven’t touched my clay for weeks and, more importantly, I’ve not sung. All I want to do when I get back to Day Bringer is fall into bed. Tomorrow is Saturday though and I only have to be in the office between nine and eleven, and not at all on Sunday, so hopefully I can do something about both those lacks.